tethered

i thought i'd say hello again
my friend
i find myself peering, steering,
veering
off, against this god forsaken
stuff of ought,
to, should
be, could
have if only
and my head is heavy
with the wait
of you coming home
possibly maybe
possibly not

some things shouldn't
weigh this heavy,
this empty this insecurity
it teases me
torments, twists
and scorns me
damn, i'm left
in pieces i play passive
i play pliable
sturdy stiff i break like butter

melted with maddening jealousy
i succumb to regenerating a more powerful
perspective in the matter
in a manner that better suits
me, moots me, makes me
feel better

just thought i'd say hello again,
didn't think you'd have a chance to forget,
but just in case,
remember your place
our history, together
tethered