disaffected

i used to conjure words and kindness
inconsistent with the pit.in.my.stomach
that thought that i couldn't quite swallow
the hollow and shallow things you'd say and be
yet, without fail, you'd exquisitely recover and redeem
exceed the depth you'd dug
[ i still selectively rewrite history to cast you in a better light ]

she came around seduced you well
and into her despairing hell you sunk,
neglected your ego bathed in glory
reminiscing on an ancient story

you found yourself a path to flee
you found yourself a path away
from me

i cannot think but to blame my.self
but i also know there's room to grow
on your end, and in this time you'll learn and see
whatever is meant to be

and i now know it's without me
i can't look back
you took my rook and left my king mated
sedated i step back from this game and
see it for what it is and isn't

oh rescinded
oh undid
this spectrum of care and compassion folded
you stood so tall and now your back is against
a wall, and you don't even know it

you'll see when you're bleeding, dark, and
needing, just who
you friends are

they eat their men
ten by ten, each month it is another
smother and crucify
what makes you think that you'll defy
the odds of their dismember'ing
disaster; the perfect pair
they wear you well, an
accessory, her store, she stole your core
prevention is what they're after
to lose ones' self in all that is and isn't is worth the violent recovery of truths said or unlead in times of war and love, affection
contention
you know i call em' ahead of time
and this is one i'll watch and swallow
seeing you become so hollow
wait too late it's all undone
and now its disaffection