reconnected goodbyes

i navigate skillfully through these times
and sands are changing
i question my own motives as readily as i rip
apart the others with whom i engage

can't quite look at you without an aching wonder
the odds against us?  or in our favor?
some thoughts best not belabored

approach the bench
we start to argue
i retract and come in for the kill
surprised my blow besets your glory
proud of myself, i undid your story

stolen i am alone defeated
this shallow self in which i am seated
placement, tests i cannot stay
my mind it rots, with decay

i cannot share these thoughts aloud
many of them i am not proud

if they were to be released
some at cost to others' peace

i write behind the mask and veil
to hide the true nature of my biggest fail

will write a book, expose, one day
and it will honor the selves laid bare in an uncharacteristic way

good night my loved ones
good night my fears
we'll reconnect
in a dozen years