gone and gray

writing my poetry isn't making me feel any more peaceful
since we're not speaking
i'm not sleeping

i want to see you closeup
warts, ambition,narcissism
your crazy artist persona

im here, up front
i want to see you
closeup

i hate to be pushed back on
disengage is an invitation
to open my unbridled rage

forgotten i focus on nothing.ness.
this was new and clean and free and harmless
but i fell too fast and now that im down
i've skinned my knees
torn my dress
something about that first kiss

lit a fire in my soul of possibility and creating
what i want
and now the illusion's partner neglects defects
and i'm left holding the vision alone again

you'll need a scare to reprioritize though i'll be gone and gray
cause things can't stay this way