2009

Jul

2010

alternative calculus

we'd sit with this brevity
extinguish our flame, or what we thought was left anyway
you were always too cool
and i always making light
of my feelings and desire to take flight

on that most special of delivery
i claimed a special victory
and repossessed my distressed
ambiguity

no longer tied to the
corpse i thought you'd made of me
free of the strained pained
weight of who i couldn't be

i walked away

Jan

2010

i see clearly

oh this secret

oh this spell

weren't meant to see

we'll cast a net and bring it in

sink the crew comes undone

we'll carry it away and weight

soon you'll see

soon you'll know

this wasn't meant to grow

cold and twisted we succeed

no, you took and touched it with your greed

my warnings you over.looked

cooked and broken you become

not now nor will i soon succumb

bruised and broken

beaten down

i'll bestow upon you the

glorified crown

your disaster your disease

upon you i place the squeeze

oh come on baby

feel my pulse

feel my beat

i mirror these moves and magic make

and you'll soon see that i will take

my power back

on track i place this bet

and make my move

knowing there's nothing left to prove

i soothe my sailing

smooth my way

oh this feels good baby

no i'm not fragile no i'm not clay

i'm gonna replace this partition

gonna format this drive

and break bars i set (falsely)

in my way

i.see.clearly

Dec

2009

better off

and as this poison fades
i know i'll come away
grateful for that fateful day
twisted, ripped
drawn with [reverse]

know you tortured (yourself)
in the decision to venture into your own

and at the abyss
you sink listless
alone cold stone

you sink, ripples the evidence of your
battle and loss
you blamed me for the cost
but you put the bill on your line

credit we each wanted,
credit we deserved
borrowed too much
and broken is such
we sink we follow we swallow

it all and we drink from this cup
see, we know as this poison fades away
the scars may stay but we're apart
better for the
dis.aster

Dec

2009

onward

now that i know it's over
i think i can, i think i can

move onward and over you
so true but i waited
imagining we dated

again, and again
i whipped myself, lash

undone i come to you
at my defense negated
belated sedated
i defend against the
monster i've become

one, separated from source
with remorse i venture off
this course

one day you'll thank me
that i didn't take you back

one day i'll thank you
for not swallowing your black

you've got your own poison
to deal with and manage
and now that i'm not around
to swallow your pain

we'll see just who is
truly unsettled and sad, angry and mad

deal with it
always okay
deal with it
it'll start to weigh

around your neck you'll feel so tight
and know you'll never set it right
without settling this debt
you'll set

off track off course and out of steam

Dec

2009

slow down

never good at goodbyes

buy me time

buy me grace this grit will move on

you need time to pay this debt

in a year we will re.collect

and look over this dime

a dime will blame

the disconnect

my darkness

dissect

never good at goodbyes

buy me time

and buy me well

inside i've put myself in hell

drink to darkness i make it disappear

love lets go i slow you know

Dec

2009

oh, no longer

i am pollution

evil at my core in store

i create the toxin to dissuade

your pain

an acid rain

i make

your soul i take

absorb, i revel in

your being, aliveness

i place upon

a wicked shelf

i find myself

asking why i try

to fit you in my paradigm

clearly you exist outside

my dissonance trying to reconcile

this checkbook

of equity

of subsistence i try

to mind my accounting of

right and wrong

i sing my song

we know so well

i live inside this lonely hell

my shell broken

yours that much stronger

with you i am no longer

Dec

2009

face validity

crawl

you can't come back

crucified

you can't maneuver round'

this sink-hole

without my permission

i grant exclusive rites

to those who own

more than a fraction of my bone

i sing

let the flames begin

with you a carnal sin

blank i turn within

forgotten my.self in sin

fragile i crawl

around you pound

undone i run

into your wall i stall

my fateful pounding

i lost my grounding

fall, fall

lower i'm slower and can't move

beyond this pond i

sink beneath your filth

i tithe i ride and i cannot deny

i cannot buy

your misbegotten

goods

guarantees no longer

valid

Dec

2009

deny me

wrapped

warped

writhing

i tithe

i make amends on

you i can't depend

oh i see it was

something i believed

in you i couldn't see

with you i couldn't be

decoy you pretend

you pretend to clear

the way in which i saw

was my final flaw

your forgery i blankly own

i bought, and sold

reclaim my power

i bought your mold

sold i soldier

and move toward

you blank your sodden your sword

i sit and spin upon your dagger

my worth gives birth to your

opportunity to misappropriate the advantage of the game you play

with you i will not stay

picket fences

you wrap around

denial a-plenty

fancy unmended, bended i sit untended

you can't deny it

Dec

2009

in completion

don't mean to trivialize

but i can't seem to reconcile

the difference, the debt

in this equation

you place at my feet

something i can't bow

down before you

i've bent, broken,

bruised in ways

you will never comprehend my friend

it's just that you must

put yourself in my shoes it was me

who would lose everything

nothing you could give back would replace

what you've undone

and i sit

vanilla my friend

you'd lend a helping hand

ear you'd reverse course

so clear

how'd we get here i'd ask

and the response so typical that i'd

never measure up to the thought

that you'd give your response

meaningless, nothingness,

numb, i succumb to your blackness

you're deaf

inept and ungrateful

harsh i be and harsh i is

you'd call me the whiz

and i'd crumble from your pedestal

knock me down and knock me off

feed me from your lovely trough

i'd beg for you and beg for more

couldn't handle what was in store

You cloud my space erase my face

from my wants i never know

where i stand disband at your hand

i become weak and undone

pressurize this cabin and

in for the ride, no longer will you be

at my side or at my door

i'm ready to go beyond, to explore

what's next i shall see

no, not with you will i be

whole, complete

Dec

2009

blink, blink, sink

i saw it
we were double crossed
called it long before the flame
but, i still think that you were
to blame

to hold the candle your obsession
with the wick, left you in a stick
-y situation and two were to burn

our struggle you left
undeserved
i...
i was stung

preparation, presentation, participation
plied you lied i died denied
the danger

and as we sink i blink

Dec

2009

chance it

i think i know
i think i know

you and me
we could be

something something
it might kill me
still me
take me off

this path and this rock.ed
oh so lock.ed

knocked
stocked
and smoking barrel
with these qualms
i see the peril

oh these bombs explode
all around us

the smoke hangs,
it covers us

you think that i can't see
but i. but i, but i

i may trip
and i may fall
but through this space
i will recall

your betrayal
your denial
you started, you started the fire

bear with me
you think you know
but i think less
and what i know
bears repeating
this treating
won't endear me to
want

you back and forth across this place
without a trace undone we come

swing me baby
take this dance
with you i may consider

another chance

Dec

2009

oh baby, pucker up

please don't hear this as a diss on you
but i really needed a tissue

such a joy to let it go
though didn't mean to lead you on

hard, i thought about our pace

and have since determined you
couldn't keep up with the ride

i put aside my wants too long
for you i will not write this wrong

on my drive home i
got a bit lost, yes, you'll ask what we shall make that mean
i gleam a spectrum of hope, think
it's possible to find new paths to cross

you off, over, through
what we had was true
it grew
an hour long love affair

and as i sit and feel a little dirty about
the way you said you're really clean,
as if, i ask myself if you'll hear this as
a diss on you, but i really needed a tissue
you're cute and all but i won't risk it
i'll move real fast and get a ticket

let off, get off, with just a warning

Dec

2009

mirrored madness

i'm ready to battle
i'm ready to win

cause your beating me down
is wearing thin

on this platform
i stand at this track

i promise you this
i'll never look back

and as we move toward this end
punished, captive will never
mend
mind
mourn you friend

this day is coming
mark my words
you'll see its clear
for you i won't shed
one more tear

torn, tried
terror
true
it was you

Dec

2009

charlotte

i cannot even maintain myself
or this high
i get crushed so low
i sink its slow and painful
demeanor

it fills my lips
and gives me warmth
oh the pour is enough in store
to give a pick tick trick
of
cruel

oh i can be
oh i can see

what's coming is an oncoming battle
i'm gonna strip i'm coming clean

i cannot even keep this high
why should i be able to keep you
oh this little lie
you told
i get crushed and i sink
so low, this painful
i'm oh so weak
misdemeanor sets its course
i fold untold into abyss

oh i can be
oh i can see

cannot even maintain myself
or this little high
i remind
to unwind and separate
untangle this web called
.u.s.

Dec

2009

kill this sin

we'd come face to face
a few months later
that this disaster had no preparedness plan

that we'd evacuated all too quickly
to put back together
what had long ago fallen apart

desire to remember the
better unbroken bytes

unsettled score, unspoken season
and you never gave a rational reason

just walked out
and took it in
oh the melody the luxury
sin

Dec

2009

fill your chest

you're gonna love me
whether you like or not
soon you'll remember
what you forgot

and if i leave it
or let it be
i only hope you
slip
stall
suffer

the way you left it
the way you left me

fancy fucking
fragile fray

you blew you choose it
you sink you stay

stray from the core
of our entangled mess
breathe a little bit less

consume less air you'd say
and i'd choke with the little that i'd take
believed in the widsom you'd give, forsake

i'd give in and you'd step over
this is something i cannot recover

under this guide
this map i can't tell
i'd wonder i'd smother
you'd cover and duck

out of sight and out of mind
i'd give to you what was never mine

peace and sanity had run its course
but we'd never known such
pain, remorse

separate it baby
do it now
cut the cord
and take a bow

you're the hero
a real big man
go on baby take a stand

crave attention fitting in
win it baby, at all costs
reduced reduction
seduction of the
coldest kind you won't mind
it's enough to fill your chest

Dec

2009

stay sodden

i sit here in this fold
can't escape this sickening beat
touch me touch me take my seat

i give to you
i give to me
what couldn't, what wouldn't
be

enough i say
you cannot stay
go right now
you couldn't plow
work hard enough
to measure
up.ward onward forward

go i realize now that we were the
anomaly, the rare exception to the rule
we couldn't last the final round
you were meant to pound
me in the mat

for you i'd burst
i'd fall so flat

for you i would've given
anything i would have crawled a thousand miles
to return to you worked in ways you never knew
and it wasn't ever good enough
to suppose or re-emerge
with golden glimmers
of forgotten hope

with that news i couldn't cope
your scope too narrow, to diseased
plagued i go
know you will sew
it more where you lay
and it was there i could not stay

Dec

2009

do it baby

oh he had his way with me
this wasn't supposed to be

can't get these rhymes out of my mind
speaking so heavily
i breathe through it suffocate you knew it
such as it is i blew it

and now its fucking my life

oh let's settle this unforgiveable score
'cause when you walked out that door

i understood so well
that i'd created this little hell

assess and prime
this well this draft

i felt so bad it couldn't be
i thought you knew, you'd see

push me baby
on the floor
let me give, i'll bleed a little more

do it baby
take the knife
i'll give you to
my life, my life

push me baby
do it hard
for you i'll go
the extra yard

do it baby
take the knife
for you i'll give
i'll give my life

want you so bad
i taste your skin
oh where, where you been

think that if i want much more
become your whore
and lose myself
placing me upon your collector's shelf

i seem to be
antipathy
self-hatred pour
give me a shot
down it maybe
oh i'll take it, i'll take it baby

oh he had his way with me
this wasn't supposed to be

do it baby
take the knife
i'll give you to
my life, my life

Dec

2009

song of risk

dim the lights, i've got a
story to tell
i've kept it in so long i could
not stomach this emptiness much longer
i harbor unease
this foolish disease called love
~~and retribution~~

i, see, i

i feel so alive
livin' off your dime
cause i'm gonna do what
i can, see just
how far i can land

far from you
and what's left of me
i'm gonna pick up
to free
i'll fight and whether
i can renew, refresh, re-
enforce i'll see
to it
to cut your cord
never knew what hit
never know what's in store

wrap these pretty little lines
around your face,
poetic little freckles turn
a cancer in your soul
i burn

and when you waken from
your slumber
i set out to reinvent

we'll chant
i feel so alive
livin' off your dime
you never knew how i felt
never saw what i could see
cause i'm gonna do what i can
break who you be
and we'll all see
just how far we land
after we've met your fist

Dec

2009

release myth

my magic is a simple kind
i release the myth
of space and time

hidden lies
removed, release

start to show
pace and syncs

start and stumble
i move toward

start and stumble
i move forward

back and forth
the more i go
the more you witness
the more you know

pain and heart
at your tip
roots and grounded
you become
you sip

the nectar, forbidden fruit
see my secrets
hear my plea
come, and rescue
me [disaster]

Dec

2009

unanswered question

erase your face

from my mind

i can't escape this place

this time

you've taken more than i can cope

expanded scope, agreement

less is starting to wear

it down

i fall

and down i go

keep me in my place i know

it's all good

it's all for the best

i'm sure you

told

that to the rest

of your endeavors

i plea

and try to make a.mends

my.self.

put back together again

back in whole

you stole from me

i can't get back

fallen off this mighty track

i start it over

start anew

without you i try

i wonder

oh i feel so un.encumber-

ed, i move so freely all about

oh so question

this route

and its un.subtle

mis.direction

Dec

2009

sourced

wait for it

feel the pulse

you've worked so hard

you've come this far

let down your guard

take it baby, feel my star

rise to the occasion

burst with friction

oh i feel this

burn with conviction

burn with addiction

feels so good

it feels so great

i start to lessen

start to flee

feel the weight

of my state retract its

my number it's my time

as i wait for it

feel the pulse

watch it move

and make its course

fill the edge

and fill the tip

starts to ooze

explicit

oh the revolver

oh the glee

oh i feel this

burning me

feeding me

thirsty me

i beg for you

i beg undid

i beg for through

is the occasion

bursting with friction

uncanny addiction

.squirm.struggle.sacred.

.source.

Dec

2009

Slowly Burning

there you go around my neck
it's started to shrink this sick
beat me bruise me baste & tooth me

throw me off this deck
this sea of me
no longer satisfies my internal thirst

these hunger pains leave
me far from where I see your shore
hidden glances, i start
to pour, to place, the prick
your putty

throw me off this deck
this sea of me
no longer satisfies my hunt
i wreck
this damage, this control
it leaves me so
unwhole and
incomplete

i smoke quickly
down my drink
across these stares i see
your face, burning
i give up chase
and just surrender

throw me off this deck
this sea of me
no longer satisfies my disease
i seize
in discontent
and you must know, i was a threat
that we were never s'pposed to have met
criss.cross.and on the line

hung out to dry
hung to please
i cross the street
and hide my face
must work real hard to forget
this place and
where you broke my heart

Nov

2009

sick stuck

i sit at the screen

and with wide eyes i see renewed

beneath my keys and endless emails

back-and-forth

through gloss and grit

graceless i be

have been

become undone

unwilling, reflect

this choiceless.ness

and my anti-commercial

stance toward our holding;

purge

forge

engorge a path

that swallows

been betrayed by my own

hand in the pocket

i reach

breach

and conceal my weapon

language is the art and

dagger i perfect.ed

oh so long ago

scared to go back

uneasy to move forward

sick stuck

fuck.ed

Nov

2009

Revolver

truest to my most wicked words
you'll scream contempt and hide your fears
yet it was you who
tossed threw these
years

dis.rupted system
best case interpretation
service the space
and honor the inevitable future
bitter pill to swallow

under.mine.d
in your zealousness to pursue
your quick fix solution
stalls your alternative
the best you ever had

well, baby, two
can play at your game
and i'm making up for lost
time

good great golden
i become undone
release.d in the derivation
of this quadratic equation
values of x become
increasingly clearer,
greater than me
but less than you

outside the lines
you grew

and i no longer hold it against you
and i no longer know
and i want to sew
this fabric in a way
that honors all parties
involved
evolved
revolving

stuff

Nov

2009

tried anything

what we had should have been a crime

their understanding of our standing

our history, its richness masking the truest

wealth that we shared, equally

until my dear you started to fear

and count the ways in which

my phase of delirium would

cause you to switch

coarse of(f) course

our tracks and trains moving out of sync

and i thought we could manage

but we kept skirting the brink

and you took advantage

of all those hefty doses

her little pills

cruel intentions to get you

all to herself

lonely is as lonely does

misery loves company

and she looks good in a pair

lest the debt be forgotten

we'll both move on

and you'll have razed

your opportunities well

and secretly i'll wonder if i

could should or would

have tried

anything

Nov

2009

stay

i trusted and we rusted

departed we

charted

different paths

lest we forget that you saw the threat

veiled we failed

and moved on

now we find without like kind

troubled we doubled

our issues and problems

problems and issues

this hot and cold

we criss cross

didn't anticipate the loss

calm.breathe.see it through

you said you knew

saw it oh so clear

i see through you

and know you knew

i see through you

and know you knew

can't hate you

but unsure whether

to date you

again this cycle

the games you play

hold my fears

at bay

wishing you could

come and stay

Nov

2009

What it Couldn't

been there done that before

oh the damage we wore

it so fucking well

tight against our flesh

we became enmeshed

in our righteousness

we became our own killing jars

we clips and analyzed our wings

against the board of others colors

and collective sizes, comparison

misses such nuanced beauty

that our relationship navigated

uncharted course

in coarse correction deference and honor

i want to give it to you

forgiveness but

im secretly terrified of losing

myself once more

tethered i need to know i can

come back and not held against the measure of others

...the damage we wore well

tight against our skin

we loved and let it in....

engraved and enraged

with what it could do

(and what it couldn't)

Nov

2009

be.love.d

in this hour

i've been played

our love, requited

is delayed

and just when I'm feeling

done i see the sun

flickering halo

and you start to run

this back and forth

see-saw game

is much too much

oh the shame

thought it all

could be put past

but you can't resist

your.self

to touch the case

that cannot hold

fit inside i'll die

behold

in this hour

i think i've been played

if it fits like a glove

you were belove-

d and i can't miss it

but know you'll kiss and stick

it push and pull

this back and forth game

of wait and see

can't trip the ledge of

looking good

Nov

2009

cringe back to me

truth and beauty not today
ugly haunted starts to sway
passing thoughts these words of mine
increasing thunder and
vicious vine

twist around my neck
you will
it starts to mend a
trend across my scars

tremble and true
these thoughts of you

i cringe but can't look back

Nov

2009

losing grip

he danced in the most beautiful ways
the clarity and capacity
to melt me into pure and
unadulterated bliss

reduced i'd take my time
to enjoy the quiet solitude
my inner demons
held away by the
feeling healing and
nature of his presence

my tendency to retreat
and trek alone held
against the dam of his
admirable determination to see it through

collapsing against the weight,
no, the wait
of it no longer
releasing

its grip suffocating each of us
and what we couldn't see at the time
we lost cabin pressure
we lost our breath

and we never quite caught up
to an altitude that afforded us time to
lick our wounds recover and wonder
joyously how we made it

and now that it's passed
i sit alone craving the connect
the opportunity to melt again
into quiet
into you

Nov

2009

charismatic suffering

ease is a concern
i'm not often afforded,
living inside the distinction
worthless, maybe, next time
and i'll save the best for someone else

leave
heave
bereave

meant loss

and inside the paradigm
I carry its cross

upon the hilltop
i see the cliff
the vastness, separation
from where i stand and
who i want to be

falling
failing
fucked and fury

speeding along as a stream
tempting the time i'll choose
to stop drowning
in my self-reflective
misery

company created
its become quite dated
this charismatic
suff.er.ing

Nov

2009

her darkest hour

she was twisted and blistered
broken and buying time
to not have to remember

earlier hours dancing in the curls
when the girls were just girls and
the boys were just boys
but how times have changed, like really just a matter of minutes, literally

and the danger of her darkest hour
could not be anticipated
it'd ripple through her
worse than the rape and its scars

travel through families
like poisonous weeds wrapping and strangling
all that is good in this world

you break it you buy it
they lied and just said they try it

some things can't be gotten back

off track this system is impacted compacted exploded eroded
trust in those with power
and those who witness power

this reckless mess of a story is over
and i've delayed it long enough you know
because there's no use in buying time
to not have to remember
it'll all come flooding back.....sadly.

Nov

2009

complain again

scribble tiny, tawdry notes
to each other and dabble in
the dark arts of
laws and attraction
you'd daringly dodge my directness
the candor of my questions
catching you off guard,

intense you'd say as a shield
to fend off my menacing and seemingly tough
inquisition
if you only knew i thought to myself
we'd really be in trouble

but i assumed if you couldn't handle
you'd tell me it burned

instead we ended the evening in full smiles
and you went home to lick your wounds

if im too hot to handle
then hand me the keys to your room
and i'll bury my piece
deep into you and
be gone before you
complain again

Nov

2009

trojan

we find ourselves stranded
in the desert
we know we must part
and we stay glued to the imprints
of the tracks we leave in each others'
dust

you couldn't slither away quicker, and
my feet couldn't carry me further
and faster from the truth
that i have avoid.ed

we'd end up near it
and so close to the flame

un.apologetic
we'd seed the scene

fuel and fan the flames
oh so pretty flickering
just so gorgeous to watch its burning
the recklessnes of letting it all go
no regrets
altruism at its best
to let it go undone
undid we did
it couldn't be less

oh so pretty, flickering
oh so petty bickering
oh so,
unapologetic we'd seed
the scene

and i couldn't run faster
in these fury, these flames
in the desert we found our.selves
moving across these sands in opposite
directions
bipeds we depend
on movement toward
something.someone

ended we undid
the revelry of watching
it burn to the ground
in the desert
we were glued to the imprint
the tracks we left,
though you should know
that i did bestow
the most cruel and undetected
trojan

Nov

2009

we got it

can't call upon you
my greatest friend;
you're the one who's started to
Unmend my heart; my soul
my [our] time

righteous rancor
venom flow
gleeful guile

I'll darken my glow to meet
you my headon collision
survival no longer a way of living.....

[Two days or months later]

I'm a fleck
a speck in a sea
of circumstances drifting and floating
now anchorless amidst this ship
of agreementlessness
abiding by the current of desire and
whim, you'll regret this course
once stranded on the isle of lonely

[Three months later]
Deaded sun
beneathe my beat
wicked w{h}ine inside my mind

[It should be noted that these notes I've noted
were written before we exploded;
apparently i noticed the path we'd headed down
a year prior
a priori we'd dwell
into the well
of unwellness
and blackened by the walls i fell
into the menagerie]

Nov

2009

investigative matters

desire divulge
indulge ignore
fucking him,
me your whore

nice nick razor's edge
turn on me and start to shed

sick silent
suffuckating

all the while i'm debating

fleeing and closing the door
to this dep.arted
relationship you've quietly
investigated [read, you left and quietly unanswered my plea]

Nov

2009

Unsolution

you said to turn the cheek
but i didn't know that meant
we couldn't speak

in this self-imposed separation time
i wish well
but i'm not fine

my heart is broken
suffer hell and time is slipping
from these walls
i think it's
we are broken
restore is no longer

an awkward pause
to be flushed
frozen

this is an unapparent
chord
my core is rock.ed

and in this moment
i have anger i have tears
i have unapologetic fears

will wish riots
over you
and you said to turn the cheek
that it wouldn't hurt
and again to repeat

[this isn't complete]

Nov

2009

thought knew

how did we get here
into this ditch
we slid
and it became
such a game
of truth and truth
and I dare
to swear to whisper
it's done and you'll be the death
of me

how did we get here
we used to be so clear
it all rest.ed
arrested up top
tip top

we stayed steady for oh so long
and we came so close to the edge of the
cliff that we started to sway
came close to the edge
that we couldn't look away

sucked into it the echo
to fill in and bleed
we let it run

its course of coarse
man.ip.ulation

i think i know
i think i know

that we can't go
that we can't go

back
back back

i wouldn't want it to be true
i wouldn't want it anyway
i thought i know you
but didn't think you could
just walk away

how did we get here
i'll tell you
we were traveling
side-by-side
until you decided
you'd ingested enough for the two of us
as if i hadn't carried
the two for the first half of our trip

we weighted
by the trough you brought forth
we waited
you exhaled as i let go
of my breath
kicked in
i...

how did we get here
i thought i knew...
you....

Nov

2009

f'ed again

unfurl unfound
unfinished and unflattering

you began to unfit
what we fought and struggled
for we finally finished what we
failed

Nov

2009

Characterize

i would have done things differently
had i had the chance

suppose to ease me or unleash me
you ended up utterly
freez.ing me inside a
line of
not this time,
bad luck or fortune
run for cover
i'm taking my toys and
gunning for another drop
another sip

not from your sickly cup
i'm quite all right all fine inside
and i don't need you to rain on my parade
rein in my parade
i want to play
i want to flee, pleasure to pursue
and plenty to be

you restrain resist restrict
and arrest
me, us, them
and i only did us both a

favor in your by your to your
self.
less i often characterize (assassinate)
the unruly ones
but we all know that it was waiting
in me dormant
just waiting to be uncovered

and you gave me pleasure
you gave me pause

so i pressed stop, rewound,
and am currently recording
over our tape
over our lives
over my lies
and trying out
new lines,
'cause it's gonna be a new chapter in
this book i'm writin'

Oct

2009

speak to me

this lesson
it was all about
entropy

and let's face it
it was a lesson

and i was supposed
to learn
and learn it well

id be a great student
master.piece
the tool you'd be to sculpt

the deciding factor
when you struck my chord
and i fell
beneath your radar
well below
the curve and cutoff

point click
alt delete

you said it
disaster

and oh yes,
we sure spelled it
well

Oct

2009

We picked

heart.breaker
heart.taker

you'll be back i said its true
you looked at me and we both
understood
that this track this tune
it couldn't be
but suppose we indulge
ourselves
just.this.one.more.time.

we picked the poison
or it picked us
we never really had a clue
we couldn't see what it had
err...what it would do

the trip was good
while it lasted
but fell our worlds
separated.disaster

i'll say it again
and without a rhyme
you tried we died its time to
find a new a rhythm to
make music and move

oh did we move
it was great it was pure
unlike any before
and it stored
and replenished
my faith in a physical
existence
beyond my own head

which made the tragedy
of your short sweet sour
phone call saying it'd be best
to keep it slower

that.much.more.tragic.

we picked
the poison

Oct

2009

Go away

step aside you said
we're through
and instantly my heart it
grew
to be to have to hold
i knew that it would
and could
not be true

this wasn't meant to be
they say that the pain
it will all go go
away and in the end
you'll feel this bruise
it won't sting you're supposed
to lose
this sense of feeling

this serene and calm
the rip
tip
stitch from right and wrong

you'll come undone
we did we did

paralyzed we hid you did

come out we're through
it said its piece
and now we have our hearts
to ap.portion
to mend and pay this toll

this serene and calm
the rip
tip
stitch from right and wrong

they say the pain
it will all go away
but it hasn't stopped
not today

Oct

2009

stand back back stand

back
stand

stand back
i go
i be i fall
we crawl

this rendezvous
its troubled you
called
collapsed
collide
we tried
to avert the distant course

but your trajectory your orbit
its magnetic
its force

you knew and spent so much prep
time and wicked and wet
i neglected to properly engage my armor
you enrolled me in your tragic woe
and i left myself all bare

to sew
and stitch i go again
one-one-thousand
two-one-thousand
three-one
some

broke it
blow it
bought it

stolen. yours for the price
privilege and
poetic justice

of honor and glamour
we'll be begotten

.this rendezvous
its troubled you;
stand back
and be protected.

Oct

2009

love.ly

i knew when we started
that we'd be unwhole.some, departed

before i'd try to write the wrongs
i'd bask you'd ask and i'd
sing unspoken melodies of
tragic angst
my speciality

as it so happens
goes
tick tock these embers flow

burn you feel
goodness i do too

got a little too close for comfort
here and there i feel my feet
to these coals i rose
and i came crushing
barreling down toward an
agonizing defeat

i bought my lines
my lies
my you
and when you ended
you ended
gave me
me

and i was left with the shadow
the faint imprint
of a boy who once could
gloriously conjure
a love potion
so powerful
it'd magically move mountains make men
move
to be near

but lets get authentic
and unrule this demented
twisted fated fairy
tale that we wove so generously

together
we ended smacked
against these lines
we've towed

and you know
i knew that it was over when
it started;
that we'd be departed

in eight minutes, months, maybes
or more....

Oct

2009

alright

dig in you'd say
and i would stay
against my own stomach's tell
i'd call forth upon
this violent
spell

you'd saunter in
and look oh so sweet
i'd dip my finger in your well
and suddenly
the flames would weep
deep the burn
would rage inside

nothing happened
it's your turn to hide

nothing happened
it your turn to ride

on this coaster
we would scream
just let it all out i said to myself
but secretly i thought you'd
run for cover
if you knew what i was thinking
under
near these thoughts of mine would make you sick
and they turn oh
so quick
you'd flee if you could see
and we would quiver
sink and slither....

oh, i'll dig in
alright....

Oct

2009

f.b.

this affair with newness
started well
deeper in i could see
the spell you'd crafted called and courted
but you didn't disclose that you were thwarted

your intentions weren't entirely clear
and i should have known with your drinking;
you'd already started the sinking
of this relation.ship
that to steer

on course
we'd gotten off already
and this became too fucking heavy

in and out
i went and wished
in and out
i went and wished

we'd roll around in this
called thunder
synonymous with
crime and smother

you couldn't keep her decks
all clean
but you stacked
your deck with
gasoline and boy did
you enjoy the burn

torn
twisted
tainted
by the smell; i've neglected my waters
long enough, this sea is fractured
as far as i can see
us be

in and out
i went and wished
in and out
i went and wished

torn and tragic
forbidden kiss
torn and tragic
forbidden bliss

Oct

2009

i think you thought

i think you thought you knew
you'd groom
me but somewhere lost
you started to consume me
i lost one side
and blind another
yes my dear
you're starting to smother

cover your cough
and hide those tears
it's not enough
put away your fears

you were always good
at disappoint
this game of passive rage you'd play
one foot out and one foot in
say your prayers
and you would

pin
prick
and pierce me to the wall

willing accomplice i would be
if only i thought you knew that
i would
see.....

Oct

2009

i find

i get it now
differently

the letting go
isn't so much you and our intertwined, connected, soul mate spendor

it's letting
the attachment to outcomes

subside and flow with

the current

that takes us to where we
need, want, and must
go

to grow in the direction
of most honorable of place

and in this
space
i find freedom, peace,
and calm

good bye my friend and lover
i hope to see, explore, and try the path
again in a few months

time is an expression
meaningless and yet so full
of trace regrets

i don't forsake you
i don't blame you

i'm open to what there is to create
together, apart, our lives
in full fucking bloom

purity, peace, play, art
and honor

and in this
space
i find freedom, peace,
and calm

Oct

2009

shut off valve

it was a silly dream
they'd say too quick
to sweet and innocent
poor
pour
store before you give your heart away
he's robbed and rock.ed
your [his ]
prey

you stained me
sealed it;
like a toxic
kiss wet with cushion

curled in no uncertain
terms i say
that this is rotten
i will not stay

in this realm
of bound and duty
won't see beyond these waters here
you broke it once
return to sender
break it twice
you pay with tender

some.things you cannot afford to keep
so cheer up and turn that cheek
you're good and letting go and shutting off...
oh...yea...i
forgot....

Oct

2009

turn off

i can't decide what to say
where to go,
or whether to stay

you put in my place
held away held at bay
this distance you impose on us
it cripples and disposes toward
the anti-holding of our start

we were art we were pleasure
together a vendor giver of love
remarkable in its ability
.to.move.mountains.
.to.calm.waters.
.to.steady.my.unsettled.waters.

and now its awakened
something in my core
that which slumbered
ate eats through
the silence that you knew
.you grew

and i fell so hard
and i fell so hard

for you through you
i thought i knew
you

would treat me oh so right
when we met in the moonlight

i fell so hard
and oh so fast
into a promise
that it would last
last last
place i become
undone
numb and
the forgotten one

Oct

2009

pursuit catch me

i believe in commitment
the bigness of promise
honor and word

play
pain
passion

pursuit of truth
goodness
and beauty

i store
repour
and create
in this moment
the possibility

insulted
buy
these circumstances
i sit discouraged
teary
weary
and broken

Oct

2009

missed arrival

simply
sought
answers
sunk
ships relate
cold waters to past
endeavors
imprinted future travel unravel plans
foresee the
currency
with which you pay your debts
burden will carry you
to the grave
aligned
maligned
your heart your soul
separated from source
remorse
of course
seek, keep, peek
bliss

Oct

2009

wrapping

id be lying if i said i was complete.ly unscathed

this mess we're against
this tide of you
the path is tired
its untrue

we designed a perfect precipice
we'd walk its edge and navigate the
illusion of its danger stealth

wake up to unimaginable wealth

though
id be lying
if i said i was
complete.ly unscathed

your misrepresentation
of commitments
leaves me
afraid

that we'd propel much further
im already in too deep
you've rocked my ship
my world and now its too late

protection you pretend
for me
wrapped in such a nicety
when really you're the one

be careful now
you'll come undone

Oct

2009

gone and gray

writing my poetry isn't making me feel any more peaceful
since we're not speaking
i'm not sleeping

i want to see you closeup
warts, ambition,narcissism
your crazy artist persona

im here, up front
i want to see you
closeup

i hate to be pushed back on
disengage is an invitation
to open my unbridled rage

forgotten i focus on nothing.ness.
this was new and clean and free and harmless
but i fell too fast and now that im down
i've skinned my knees
torn my dress
something about that first kiss

lit a fire in my soul of possibility and creating
what i want
and now the illusion's partner neglects defects
and i'm left holding the vision alone again

you'll need a scare to reprioritize though i'll be gone and gray
cause things can't stay this way

Oct

2009

trusted rusted you

written in a fury
thunder such as it is
and as its not

tempted to say i forgot
an inauthentic trip
of trusted

this ship (relate)
is rusted

you tried
i tried
we died

descended
the flicker across the sky in grassy fields we lie the music swept we danced in glee such a happy family
trace memories do flicker
and all your past habituated lives and lines
came crushing into the final
kicker

you created what you dreaded
and yet i told you you were headed
toward and to
the final flight
against your beholden magical night

sit and wonder what to do
you lied to me
i trusted you

Oct

2009

unencumbered

can't decide between thick and thin
of what i want and where
i fit in

kosmic chaos
darkened w.hole
you started
stumbled
took and stole

its clear
and calm corrected course
to each his own in this remorse

a bleakened situation uncovered
the dust is ruffled by another
smother wonder cry and cover

these days are coming
by and numbered
the clock is ticking
unencumbered

Oct

2009

be with

bliss blue ocean
surrounds my being
we warm calm

i let the dissapointment in myself release
hurt embarassed cold and careless
i need to fix this broken sole, the time is ticking and it's no moving quickly
enough i need space to say to F:i failed us, E:figure your shit out and lets go at it again

light and love
reinstored

integrity in service of healing
and dealing powerfully with all there is to manage and be with

Oct

2009

family creed

intention is a tricky
try out

applied from within yields one result
but to get another you must approach the source more directly
id like to know if you'll ever manage your monster
the one that keeps you out (of being fully present in our lives)
the one that keeps you in {pressure overload sob story}

How do we reconcile such that we stay lovers when you're having a monologue in your head about what there is to do and be done.

Radical solution: include both parties on the circumstances conversation. no one wrong, no one right.

love.joy.peace

and great sex when we can get it,

Oct

2009

jungle

ruthless in my pursuit of
self laceration
i despise much less than
trial and error

approach is all in the perspective beholden
for example
you to i and i to you
a promise is a promise
unless its made through your precious
lips, like gums that bleed
and sometimes fail

you marked me
and left me there
down in my deepest pit

you covered, cloaked, and coward.ly
abandoned post

of a promise we made as children

flash forward to my latest taker

here's what you need to know to
date 'r; insufficient funds of time
will mitigate the magic mine
and slow what should have been due process

choicelessness at my core
i bore
a resentment toward god
that my choices result in such brutal heartache

Oct

2009

become gone

we share this house
our own little world
and yet i sit here waiting for you

to remember
what was said and done
is to revive a story long untold
birthmark-ed we became
its place
holder

this place is slippery
don't fall in
mama loved us
we can't begin

we built this house
out of leaves

we built this house
out of dreams

we promised us
we'd make it work
and yet i find

myself again at i
and not as we

this precious parody
know not your intention to be made
but this is your work in full effect
and force
your way into my soul
trick, dick, slick
and bare
backed i become,
came,
and now you've gone

Oct

2009

read between my li(n)es

i believe in ancient wisdom
but can't deny sufficient doubt
to try and be with this ether
of angst and the well of blackness
that protrudes, exudes, and cr~~eases~~ my p~~ages~~
inside time i am forgotten
outside i am nothing
never i am naught
and no where am i found

returning i sometimes wonder
whether i can regain trust
with myself i give up
something to
notice and uncover
the rust must be remove.d under

final sync
final hour
you return
and i am sour

final wish
final magic
this we know
will end
tragic

Oct

2009

narcissus men

trip dip
rip me out from under
i cover skillfully
you, me, we
from our vocabulary
apoplectic sits and hovers
wait to remove the darkened
lovers
reunited ancient rhyme
sorry now, it's all mine
to mind and time
to my tepid tastes
from dour to duty
to heaven and haste

make me over
do me in
fasten your belts
enjoy your win.d
narcissus men

they broke my heart
and took it in
fed, bled
and i read to far inside
their glances
took it upon myself to steal their chances
i took at face value
their proposition
and when all else failed i
was left holding
the bag
of damaged goods
was marked
return to sender

make me over
do me in
fasten your belts
enjoy your bender,
yes, you my
narcissus men

trip dip
rip me out.

Oct

2009

my heart

my tempo
moves me and slows me down
rooted meadow up i go
seeds of summer
start to sew

you a blasphemous
proprietary
ill begotten work
unfound

you lied to me
and designing untruth
set the stage
your platform
a story you told
hid disaster tragedy your
only line

i the sinker
broken heart
meld my monster
icy glazes
can't deny i try to supervise
undone undid unclassify

you sold me
told me
took me out

and tore another
piece
out

Oct

2009

downrightdefeated

corrosion
erodes
my path from within
i melt
meld
mold toxic

i wane
weep
wonder
why i relate

so unambiguously to other.not.i

plural.ism
downright fall
sublime to know you
can't recall

i seem to wonder
but can't erase

your smiling thunder
unpleasant face

tricked
tracked

thicket and
thorn

open revolver
lover's scorn

.downrightdefeated.

Oct

2009

ended begin

i always end with where i think i begin
and sometimes it fits
others it wears the 'graph
less litely
fine grain composure
i try and look oh so sweet
but my melody is somber
and rather than feel public[all][y] (you were)
undone
i retreat (my feelings)
and so goes my cycle
of

w[h]ere we used
to be
some.thing other than what each of us
could see

unapologetic we set off course
and p[ow].er
fueled
campai[g]n

ran afoul
i sit and wonder
if this is something that i couldn't
smother

ran afoul
i sit and wonder
if this is something i couldn't
rudder'

toward a new sea
without the lift
cliff, drench
drudge

rectify this vast differential between the two cliffs
we carved each.other
rock.ed our mists, midst
did grind and
it can never be what
it was never not

Oct

2009

mended thoughts

these r the thoughts that go through my head

as i sit here

against the cold

bold

i sway

i weigh

options and what i

want to do

alive

measured against what i believe

will be objective

i feel its an unfair

tradition, overcome

i spend countless hours

sleeping.not

you say you are spiritual

that we'd find a way to reconcile

each, other

we move onward

and i can't tell you what i want

you're becoming clearer

in your deferential coming

clean

get unstuck

stick

like glue

i retract

back

into a corner

i encourage

myself to

fend

defend

and mend

for my.self.

Oct

2009

whisper

as we talked

it all became clear

what was

what wasn't

and where there was to go

and not

we'd skip the beats that landed

us in trouble

tip-toe around the obvious

sink holes

and we'd have difficulty navigating

the lake of our history

its recentness

locked instead

we'd tread and find

a way to

subsist is not my natural

state of existence

i thought i could heal

you myself i'd

mend

bend

break

tip, tripped, ripped

i'd look back, black

you were successful and established

i'd slid smacked down reduced

bereft undone

we'd grow to see the knotty, naughty

way we'd merged

evolve toward a greater picture clarity

ditch the disparity for something such

more perfect pure and

for lack of a better word,

polite

the sand was so magical

it stuck with me for days

the thought|feelings|truth of the moment

of the clarity it brought and my desire to keep it, u in my life

wrapped in the package you brought to the sea

such beauty a whisper that i couldn't wait

to explore and see

vessel and magic

mystery and heart

wanted to create a world

and now it's .....

Oct

2009

sentences

steady i quiver

and want to fight [for] what i see

belief is a variable

that i cannot

control

manipulate

or force

can but choose not to for obvious reasons

consequence violates my impervious world

and i think i'll retreat

and retool if this goes the path

it appears

twisted i hope i am

deceived

stop this thunder rage quiet storm inside my head endless hunger beats against my head i fit you always you finish my sentences i think i love you no matter im guessing your thoughts again correctly and you push my buttons

please.regain.composure.

pretend to respect it

retentive principles

unthwart.ed

nuptials

Oct

2009

Rung

my calendar contains

the dates

the moon

its fullness and rising

and falling

the hazy and

bloom

i sit and i wonder

and as i had already started to trip

you .rip.

from out, it's under

water you say

and we'll uncover

watch this rudder move over

the course

a casual.ty

way you disregard the fervor with which i|we pursued

this thing we call.ed love

dumb luck, ignorance at best

the way in which our worlds

collided

head on

you had won me over

i embraced the possibility

full on

and crashing halt.ed

i become

numb

stop sleeping

it's repeat, rinse,

re[cycle]d

the story of my life

.hungouttod[r](ie)y.

Oct

2009

re.tool-ed

twisted and blurred
beguiled pain
unknown grain, grit, gone

re-tool.ed

silence links across my breast the chest my keys
and it's all about what's at my core

beliefs, virtue, or your rules of engagement

i can't' find my keys to undo
my time and the minutes i've passed by

tonight i'll grieve for what has, and will happen soon.

Oct

2009

unwind

dis.able.
to retreat
retrench
enmesh
i sit against a backdrop
of failure and regret
choose the lane
insurance claim
(ed) too late
no more
dis .assuag.ed

corrected, neglected, put up.on
dissected

mirror mirror
in my mind
please try and unwind
these pre(co)cious
pages

Oct

2009

delete.d

i devour these moments
you feed my creative

generosity abundance
from my c.ore

i ooze and thirst for the pain
of my wounds undone

it's been a reckoning
comin' round for a while

you've teased sauntered and played with it
teased me for long e.nough

well, now i've had my fill
and i'm ready to heave
and let go of all the sweets that you've given
pretty is thin
and you're no longer in
i'll get sober
AND OVER

you.are.not.
everything.and.anything.
can.be.erased.
saved.control.alt.delete.d.

Oct

2009

conscience

broken

flawed

and fallibile

i feign confidence

collusion

of inner demons

darkens

an already spotty

gl(ue).oom

eme(u)rgency

is where i feel fallen

i betrayed

my.self

you.we couldn't see

left bereft

i can't speak as i, foreign

language

no subtitles can't decipher or see where to go

never before, have i felt so fucking low

glow becomes the red

said

wouldn't.couldn't.

no mother i won't

don't make me promise or swear,

on my grave i say

that it won't weigh on my conscience tomorrow

Oct

2009

drip dry

if only i knew now

what you couldn't say

and oh so did the magic

portend

such a strong fall

and wick[e(n)d]

sick to my stomach

hurt on my core

it's my pain i deserve

it's what i bore

into existence, the wreathe

you breathe around my neck

and as i move forward

toward, unsoured

on my trek

i start to wonder

whether i should head back

unsavory intentions

of cruel and neglect

couldn't manage you.me.we

we'll justify this fatherless

paternity as casual.ty

of the war and blossoming

f(r)iendship

'ight there you're

where you want to be

and i'm stuck square one

where you fucking.put.me

in my place

and teach me.we.

couldn't do what

i imagined we'd be together

for.ever.in.healthandmysickness

blurred behind your beautiful eyes

lied abused internal conflicts sewn

by sister's mafia friend, she's oh so pretty but conflicted in her ways

we, became, casualties, in her kick up dirt to cover my tracks, kind of maneuver

she's just one minor character amongst a dozen that

dripped your tunnel.vision

dry

Oct

2009

downed

wicked warns of consumption

consumed

resumed

subsumed

you die a.pathetically

you.reproach move toward

slow, crawl

br(e)aks my heart

torn apart

you whisper

"how could he have done that"

i think, you'll do it two

and it's down for the count

three i await to break

apart, completely

took, taken, stirred not

shaken

retreat, retrench

drenched in silent

i.....stunned

gunned

and down on the mat

Apr

2009

mind.me.not

a look inside

reveals some grace

it's a place, begin

renew, let's face

it wasn't meant to last

past ten

carried a.way to the locks again

you threw me in my lesson learned

shock and swim

began i crawled

picked up i moved

quickly and

forgot my long made

dinner plans

i've arrived

no thanks to you

and think you'll beg to differ

'cause, i think that i can make

it on my own

i can hold the wolves at bay

if you'll just stay away

and rescue me if i need it

i want to float and make it on my own

this pack and process too much smother

but be available if i need another

.rescue.rhyme.and.reason.for.your.warmth.i'll.ill.begotten.ungratefulness.to.which.you'll.mind.my.nothingness.

Apr

2009

rum.run.rum

i'm a flea

a speck in a sea

of circumstances drifting and floating

now anchorless amidst this ship

of agreementlessness

abiding by the current of desire

and whim, you'll regret this course

once stranded on the isle of lonely....

Apr

2009

headon

can't call upon you

my greatest friend;

you're the one who's started to

unmend my heart; my soul

my time

righteous rancor

venom flow

gleeful guile

I'll darken my glow to meet

you my headon collision

survival no longer working...

Apr

2009

nicked

desire divulge

indulge ignore

fucking him,

me your whore

nice nick razor's edge

turn on me and start to shed

sick silent

suffocating

all the while i'm debating....

Apr

2009

res.cued

routed to another place

i ignore my prior disgrace

albeit one with god i rest

i feel a bit of anguish press.ed

upon my solid ground

yet to find a place to wrap

around

i bend, defy, and try to mend

undone i grasp and gnaw

my way into the next precision play

somber, soaked, and silent

i sink..... waiting for the rescue

Apr

2009

recipe.distastered

crashing in.ternal

grace

smoke inside filled with lace

primal deeds go undone

punished next the charmed one

fancy, feasting, prior

year

coupled with a childless fear

sink beneath the bet you made

a father's grace

a mother's trade

::vicious antiunion

Apr

2009

where i stop

fancy phallus

at its end

buttons lure

beg undid

can't decide between

thick and thin

of where you stop

and i begin

Apr

2009

fall apart

feeling like the phoenix in

can't decide whether to sink

or swim

i wonder if it's meant to be

and can't see us for eternity

you judiciously decide

i cope

together we burn the rope

upon another soul

we dwell

carnage, circus, the road

to hell

i s(l)ink, you throw

together, we mend the bow

arrow each.other's hearts

bleeding we fall apart

Apr

2009

askslip

foment
 revenge 
plague 
slow crawl death 
dearth
 amidst
 the scene
 i scream

unsure shaking cold
 iced i become stone 
wall i build  
defend  moat float body

lay lie across  your lips 
you'll slip  
and ask

Mar

2009

forceslack

at the edge
violated
principled
and validated

somber
amber
ashen

fall

sick silly saturated with all
the music that
surrounds my soul

i am full and engaged
in the rhythm of all

that you've not given
im stuck in my own gravitational forces
or vacuum-ness....

Mar

2009

scre.am

These gravitational forces
 erase from my being  
a sense of security

i'm left with all that could
 can not be

i'm stuck on the edge

and fearing tipping off
 in.to the cradle

i secretly wonder if i can grab you 
sink you with me

it would be perfect poetry and pagan
 to complete  it 
that way the way you've done me
 given nothing but burn

I've got a remedy 
together we will see 
sing apart our apathy
 and mend the dis.connected

the signals
 show  sign and seize 
i hope you die
 slow.very.
 ly.

lie.awake. 
and.scre.am

Mar

2009

iwonteat

i remember
the car ride
on my way home
from the first.the alpha.omega

hand.repaired the broken
in the middle of the road

soft.shaken.i threw it off

and vowed never to return again

interesting on this bend
i return
and realize the need to mend

come undone
one button slowly

undressed/naked/lonely
and embarassed

i've been the only one
getting raw and intimate

you've been king
building your throne

unfortune.ate.ly

we'll see
we'll see

i've got a few aces
spades and queens to throw

come back kid
i give punches
without glove
take you down
out i play coy
like a boy with a heart
i'll knife you now
and cut you out
criminal and cold i blow
these seeds of hatred you've sewn

i'll meet you at your level
and say it right to your face
i.wont.eat.any.more.

Mar

2009

beyond.means

missiles
ctrl.alt.delete.

i wish the crash you send me
into
was only so simple to recover
from i die a little
each time
each time we become that much
more separated
upon every restart
and we sift further from the line
that brought us together
we pull
lulled into a false sense of
you can take me for granted
i think not
i think yes
i don't know what to think
given this invest.meant
it wasn't supposed
to be pretty
engaged
i enraged
smug
in knowing yes
failed
railed
and rallied
from the failing bank you'll never
recover from
i've contributed by believing
we.are.salvageable.

i hope this recovery plan
involves subsuming the debt
you've accumulated
lived beyond your means...

Mar

2009

source.grievance

Retrieve

Receive an

advanced phd

in grief

i roll and stroll into ambiguity

i delve into disaster

and disparity

i rock into

rocked.ness

i am

i am

no.thing

i spell
i sink
i swim

i'm lost
i'm lost

i need someone.
bo.uy.
b.ouy.
b.oy

measured against
cup full
my half doesn't ever quite measure
up to your mediocrity

clearly my venom
has got the best of me
i've discounted the
little things
scars and beautiful
bruises
that you've given me
my source of contribution
and grief....

Mar

2009

sync not

i'll bow

I'll give in

i'll apolo.gize

jizz the way you want when and how you say to come

i'll be done

i've given 8 years

and now i've nothing left

other than regret

i see what i've learned

and think that i could

have been more violated

by receiving a normal education

inside the most of inadequate schools

and i completely own

my hand inside

the realm i sourced

sick

sync i am not

self i am tempted

twisted

i rot am not who i see my.self to be

Mar

2009

grumpy

go fuck yourself
you goddamn mother.fucker

i sink you
i loathe you

and i cannot let go of you

my affliction, infection

and i wonder why i've not been
my.self

i've been suffering you....and.....

i'm good at waiting for
something good enough to satisfy

my unworthiness

Worth and value i'm not
i'll self-perpetuate

my non-existence

i'll suck it up

and kill myself

i'll bend to your will

and feast from what you give me

nothing i'll drink

save everything for you

and your appetite

i'm done

i'm done

i'm done

starving; i'm fucking hungry

thirsty

and grumpy.....

Mar

2009

falter

my art
i trip

i sip from your cup
affair i flirt

i disengage
and roundabout kill you off

bolting.revolting.i imagine
another

way to create what i wanted

and i see
my wrong turns

i bleed. i seed. i scream

ice cream
i'm humbled

now i k.now

how signif.i.cant

i paint
my poetry
across my chest

cut into my skull i am
a piece of nothing.ness.

i wrest away from you
all that i have vested

econo.my has crumbled
faltered future
has forgotten and favored
nothing that i've
felt has ......

look f.orward to possibilty
and smile

know.ingly i shake my head......

Mar

2009

stabinback

violence
turned within
will have heave costs
socialist restdistribution
we'll spread it out
among all the children
it'll be fair,
you'll shoulder all the burden

can't regain our footing
can't settle in this skin

within i tremble
i fucking quell

i sit
i sat
i sink

this is a mini disaster
i think that we'll survive
and i know that i'll remember

.how.you.stabbed.me.in.the.back

2009

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